He has been a wonderful gift
I felt a strong deep connection
I can only imagine how wonderful
it would have been if it was mutual
But, lol
a wonderful gift his has been.

I'll try to keep that as a focal point
to mend my heart.

Dear Someone Special -

There are some words I need to say to you, yes words
But I can't seem to get them through my lips...
I think them, as I look at you but I can't I just can't seem to say them.

There's no right moment,
The weight of the words is so heavy, so very heavy!
All those feelings, emotions, desires tied to words
I can't utter...

My mind says run, run, run
My heart is fragile and stubborn

I don't know how to tell you that I love you so very much...
That just the thought of you makes me smile...
That I would a wait a lifetime ...

But you confuse me,
do you know
is it better if I am silent?
do you want me to be silent?
is it just fear?

give me a sign
let me see past the love to
reality
let me know what is real

let me know

will I regret not saying the words?
years from now will I wish I'd had the guts to say
I Love YOU!

How long can I hold this
hold the words
the desires

risk assessment:
what do I lose if I speak
what do I lose if I am silent

Ah, they seem the same don't they
Surely, this will pass eventually...

The moon has me wide awake right now, listing to my  vedic reading.  Hoping I survive my transitions in a positive manner.  My heart feels rather exposed right now, on multiple levels.  Even in businesses, I feel vulnerable, because I'm trying to formulate the direction I want to go.  I want, need the evolution, want the vision.  I know it has to have meaning, it just has to.. and I have to feel valued.  I put my heart in the things I do so it's just necessary that I am respected and valued.

So my business vision is shifting and I'm so drawn to someone that I miss him so much if we don't talk.  That is annoying, really it is!  I love the joy I feel with him in my life but I also feel so put out that at moments I can't find that joy on my own.  I want to find my joy more easily... more joy, love, abundance, connection.... I feel so much like a girl right now... girlie girl.   Pink and lip gloss, cute sundresses, soft skin, cutsie....  Yeah, I'm so feeling the venus thing, stupid girlie and in love.....  this would be so much better if someone noticed ... wouldn't it?  Yeah it would be great if he saw me as a girl and smiled when he thinks of me, like I do.

Yes, a 2:00 am ramble, but at least I'm smiling so maybe I can find some sleep....  Maybe a hug from the moon, a sweet soothing hug............

I smile a lot....
that's a good thing right?
I can't focus....
that's frustrating, have I gone insane?
My mind is cluttered.....
so how am I suppose to function?

I want to feel more
own the emotions
open the heart
stand still
roll around in it

But I feel vulnerable
exposed
scared
revealed

This can't be real
it makes no sense
no sense whatsoever
none

What do I crave
a touch
a hug
a moment
a look
a feeling
a presence
a scent
a smile
yes, a smile

just simple
authentic moments
overflowing with joy
to stand in the moment
just stand still and
leave my mind out of it....